I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
