i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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