Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
