stop calling my apartment porn island.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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