I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
