spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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