True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
