Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
