i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize