i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
