Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
