Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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