Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
