what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
