They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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