So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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