went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
