His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
whose parrot is this?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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