mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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