this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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