why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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