dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
