I wish I could teleport
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
