if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
