Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
