you guys were way drunker than both of me
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize