Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
