if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
