I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm at about main and main street
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
