is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
