If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize