you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
