Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
