Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
