Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He? As in you personified your dick?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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