currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
