i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
