The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
