dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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