How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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