Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize