We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
