12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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