yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
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