it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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