The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
