I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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