...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
