i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
