I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
