Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
