Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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