One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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