I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
