Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
