I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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