Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
do herpes really smell.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize