i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
