Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
