I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
