I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
