I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
