he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize