After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
