The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
