I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
